Lost In Beauty-

Saturday, December 22, 2007

So much has been happening since I last wrote. I am going to try my best to give you the entire update for the past week of an emotional roller coaster.

Tuesday the 11th: I went to see Milinda around 12:30am. As usual, we ate a bit, watched tv, talked and then made love until we fell asleep around 5am. I can't remember specifically what we spoke about because it was a week ago. We slept until 2pm and I had Milinda nudging me to wake up but it took me an hour to be fully awake. After I was awake, I took a shower and he cooked me something to eat and we left to go to the movies at Lisbon Landing.

We decided to watch Stephen King's The Mist. There were only 6 other people there beside us and I just spent it most of the time in his arms. Their seatings were comfortable. The best part is where you could put the arm rest up and just be closer to someone. The movie, well, Milinda and I just kept laughing while it was supposed to be a scary movie. At the end, Milinda and I looked at each other and just kept shaking our heads and laughed. He claimed the whole movie was a waste of time and I agreed with him. My favorite Stephen King movie is "Rose Red."

After the movie, we quickly went to Walmart and got some little things and I dropped him off at the apartment so I could get my little surprise for him prepared.

I got into a sexy little black dress that had sparkles all over and some black heels and headed over to his place. I got into the main door for his house and took my jacket off and dropped my purse and my bag of clothes by the door and slowly walked upstairs. I had my digital camera turned on at the movie mode. Finally, I got to his door and I knocked and he opened the door and immediately said, "woooooow!" he suddenly let out this big smile and kept going, "I can't go. I can't go." Im glad I got it on tape so I can replay his reaction over and over. It was simply priceless.

After that, he ran to get his camera to take pictures of me in it. I took them off and paraded in just my underwear and heels around the kitchen while he was cooking us dinner. He kept saying "wow."I ate dinner with him. It was some delicious spicy spaghetti and some rice and curry. After a while, we made love and then we fell asleep. I love falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

Wednesday, the 12th: I woke up and gave Milinda a kiss and told him I was going to take a shower. While I was showering, he surprised me by jumping in with me.

After the shower, we drove to Niantic. Milinda wanted to show me where he used to work before he moved to Norwich. When I got to the gas station, I was simply in awe. The sight was breathtaking. His gas station was just behind an amazing view of a body of water. Milinda said he lived in the hotel across the street and he could see the ocean from his windows. I took a picture of myself while he went in to say good bye to his old boss. Just so I can remember this day forever. I decided that maybe on a special day, I will come and book a room at the hotel and just spend the day around there. He loves it there so much. I would actually feel his presence around me if I just came alone.He took me to this amazing boardwalk. The sun was setting and the crescent moon was high above. The skies were filled with deeper hues of color. It stole my breath. I stood there amazed. Milinda kissed me and asked if I loved what I was seeing. I told him that it is so beautiful. We took a couple of pictures and we picked out some seashells as a memoir of our love.I looked at him and told him that I will try to come here more often just to think about you and I will wave to the sea for you. He said every time he goes fishing, he will wave to the sea for me as well. Our bond is --- unexplainable.

After that scenic tour, we headed out to Crystal Mall in New London. He wanted to find an Ipod wall charger that could charge the outlets in Sri Lanka but they're not universal ones. He bought me a 10k White Gold cruixfix pendant and bought another one which was the exact same I had originally. The other one was for his Goddaughter. Im assuming he wants to be reminded of me every time he sees her.

After that, we went to Best Buy so he could get a case for his Canon camera (I love it). The pictures look so much better than my already banged up camera.

I asked him if he was ready to meet my father. He asked me to meet him before he goes and I told him that should be fine. So, I drove to my fathers and I went in to get him. My father and I came outside and for the very first time, they met eachother. Two men that means so much to me finally shook hands and had small conversations. It went rather well. Milinda wanted a picture of my father and me. My father wished him a merry christmas and a happy new year and told him he wished he did not have to go.

After we left, Milinda had a smile on his face and said, "Your father is VERY nice." I smiled and said I know. He couldn't stop obsessing how my father knew he was 28 years old and that he was illegal and still did not care if his daughter was in love with him. I told him my father is not like that at all.

We went to my apartment because my roommate wanted to say good bye to him. We were there for like 45 minutes and mostly took pictures. After 15 minutes, my mood shifted and I sat down on the couch and Milinda could tell something was wrong and then he said he wanted to go. So we left. I got to the car and drove us to this pizza palace and he tapped my shoulder and asked me what was wrong. "Nothing," I replied.

Finally, I told him how angry I was because my roommate was FLIRTING with the man I LOVE! I felt very betrayed and that was why I suddenly sat down. He said he noticed it too and said that there will be guys that like her but NO guy will LOVE her. I cried. He said when I went to the bathroom, she asked him to sit on the couch and he sat ON the arm rest instead because he has so much respect for me. I asked him who would he have chose first, me or her, because in my experiences, guys always chose her. He said he would have chose me first and asked me who did he talk to more on the first night. I said, "me." He said yes and it was because he liked me at first glance. He got a better vibe from me and something about me lure him closer. I remembered that first night. I felt a bit flattered that he showed me more attention. I was still upset that she did such a thing. Maybe she did not realize it because she flirts with everyone!

He kissed me and said do not worry and that the ones that want me instead of her are the ones with true intentions to win my heart and the ones that goes for her are not worth my time.

It is amazing how observant and wise he is. I love that about him.

I discovered an odd fact right there. He told me that when he sees me angry, upset or crying. It actually turns him on. I am truly perplexed how is that possibly a turn on for anyone. I told him since it turns him on, we would have no problems with being married.

I was also upset because he was to go home at 5am and it was already 11pm and then he told me he meant 5pm on a Thursday. Finally, a smile returned to my face. We spent the rest of the night talking, eating that delicious chicken grinder, cuddling and making love.

Thursday, December 13th: We woke up and it was already snowing outside. I got so excited and Milinda thought my excitement was cute. He opened the curtains for me so we could watch the snow falling laying on the bed. We had some breakfast. He cooked for me and brought me tea. His cooking was always delicious. He treats me like a queen.

I took a shower and he left for a short time to do an errand. He came back as soon as I was ready. We decided to go outside and play in the snow. It was ridiculously cold and we weren't properly clothed. We played anyway. We threw snow at eachother. Took pictures and kissed as snowflakes were falling on our eyelashes.

We rushed inside and quickly got out of our wet cold clothes and snuggled under the bed and made love. It was the last time Id ever make love to him.

He stared at my naked body and made such a sad face. "What's wrong?" I asked. He told me he is going to miss me very much and that he loves every inch of my body. I told him he would find someone like me. He shooked his head and said no. He pointed out that Sri Lankan women don't really have big chest and that he was going to miss mine. Milinda literally worshipped my body. Having my body being his temple simply gave me back the confidence I needed.

Despite with all the fun, I was rather mean to him that day. I, later, apologized and said that I was just kind of angry that he has to go and he told me not to apologize and he figured it was why I acted like that.I ended up crying after we made love. Not knowing what I would do without him and the thought of never being able to kiss his lips again or to feel him breathe beside me panged my heart. He kept telling me how amazing I am and how beautiful I am and told me if he knew he was going home, he would still have fallen in love with me anyway.

It was around 2pm and I had to get ready and help him pack. His boss' son was going to pick him up at 3pm and bring him to Mohegan Sun. We got dressed and I helped him pack. In a hour, it was time to go. Milinda gave me his blanket, my favorite picture of Jesus (the one that was on the wall which he always prays to), a Bedtime Care Bear with his colonge sprayed all over on it, a small TV, and a couple of other things.

I had sat behind him holding him and he took out his wallet and I saw an picture of him looking pretty young and I told him I wanted to see it and he looked so adorable and young! It was his work ID. It said "Captain's Catch" on top of it and I am assuming its the name of place he worked for. I know he's worked on ships before. I told him I wanted it and he said I couldn't have it because he needed it. It was the only thing he had with his name on it and he reached back into his pocket and handed me a small picture. I looked at it and I got so excited. It was his passport picture that was taken 4 years ago, when he was 24 years old, just before he came to America. He told me I could keep it and I treasurely put it inside my wallet.

He told me when I get a new boyfriend, I have to throw out the picture and I said I wasn't going to. I asked him if he was going to throw out pictures he's taken of me and of us and papers written between us and letters I left him when he has a girlfriend or gets married. He said he is never going to throw anything relating to me away. I told him he will have problems with his special someone. He said no I won't because in his country, women do not really question a man's intentions or doings. He basically wears the pants over there. so that is resolved.. We won't even throw away anything that belongs to one another. I want to savor his memory.

He gave me a bubble gum container and told me to use it to save my coins and such and when it gets full to use it to fly to Sri Lanka and see him. I told him it would be very hard for me to see him again and that I would want to hold him and kiss him. He looked at me and told me even if he was married, he would want to kiss me as well. So I am not sure what is going to happen. As much as I would love to still have him mine an year later but there is no telling what will happen.So far, I only have $45.34 in that container.

We talked and decided that we would text eachother once a week because it will be pretty expensive if we were to text eachother everyday. We decided on saturdays. I thought saturdays would be more meaningful because normally on a weekend, people are out doing stuff and if we text eachother, it means we are on eachothers minds. I just have to wait for him to get home and text me with his new number. I just pray that the process won't take so long.

It was time for me to go. I put some of the stuff in the car with his help and then return to his house and we held eachother. I started crying as soon as I heard him sniffling. I looked at him and there were tears in his eyes. He kissed me and told me that I am so special and that he loves me. He asked me to make him proud to accomplish my dreams I shared with him. He said thank you for everything I have done for him and thank you for blessing him with my love. I told him that I love him very much and because of him I am back on the path I was once on. I told him he was my angel and that I would never forget him, ever. We kissed eachother's cruxifix and he told me he wanted to see my beautiful smile instead of tears. He wanted to remember me smiling.

So, I walked outside in the blistering snow, I smiled and said I love you. I walked a couple steps more and looked back. He stood outside and waved back at me. Wanting to drown myself in tears but knowing how much he loves my smile and I needed to leave him with a sense of happiness, I smiled with pride and hurt.

I went home and was left with immense of sadness. I put everything he gave me inside my apartment and got into his favorite sweatpants he let me keep. I did not eat at all that day but I couldn't bring myself to eat anything. I stood there in my kitchen feeling so empty.

20 minutes later, Milinda texted me saying he needs me to bring him to Mohegan Sun and that his boss' son was stuck somewhere due to the first wintery snow storm. Quickly, I changed into jeans and headed outside. The weather condition was extremely bad. I drove slowly and arrived to his house which was 2 minutes away.

Seeing his face again left me feeling relieved and at the same time, tortured.He kissed me and I drowned myself in his presence. Just minutes ago, I thought I was never going to see him again and now he's here in front of my eyes. I thought to myself, could this be real? The smell of his colonge left me realizing, this was not a dream.

Finally, we got to Mohegan Sun and I parked at the bus depot area as he ran inside to check the bus schedule. The next bus was just minutes away. My heart sank. I wanted to spend more time with him.

He turned to me and said, "I will be coming back before I fly out. I promise. I will text you."

He gave me a kiss and I remained dumbfounded and speechless. He's coming back? I knew I had to fool my heart that he wasn't because I did not want to set myself up for disappointment.

I watched him go inside and slowly I drove away with my heart foolishly hoping for his return...

the beauty exposed ;